Turns out the most useful conversation you’ll have today might be the one you have with yourself. Rally breaks down the research on self-talk — from boosting focus and physical performance to processing tough emotions — and shares four practical ways to make it a daily habit. Your inner voice has been waiting for this episode.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Rally:
Hey there, Beautiful People — welcome back to the Silver Beast Podcast.
I’m Rally Preston. And at 70, I’m definitely old… so old, a kid asked me if I had a dinosaur as a pet growing up. I don’t think he was kidding.
Okay. Quick question: Do you talk to yourself?
Not just under your breath…mumbling some stuff when you can’t find your glasses. I mean a full-on conversation with yourself. Right out loud.
Oh – it suddenly got real quiet here. Nobody wants to fess up to that, huh?
Ok, I’ll go first. I do. I chat it up with myself quite a bit. I blame my dad…he pretty much narrated his whole life to anyone who would listen. So yeah – comes pretty natural for me, I guess.
You know, here’s what got me on this topic…I was in my dentist’s office a few weeks back, and this lady in the waiting room, a couple of seats down, was all by herself, just jabbering away. Complaining about this and that while filling out paperwork. I didn’t want to look at her…might drag me into her little rant.
But I couldn’t help but think, is this normal? Well I realized I was talking to myself in my head there about her – just not out loud. Pretty dull conversation as usual – but I was definitely having one.
So I came home from the dentist office, minus a tooth I might add, and started looking into self-talk. Just to see if maybe I’m a little loopy.
Well, relax. Talking to yourself isn’t some weird thing. Perfectly normal. And, the research says it’s actually a superpower. No, not making this up. You’ll see in a minute…
So, when we were kids – which was way back in the Jurassic period for me I guess – talking to yourself was just what you did. You know kids – they narrate everything out loud. The research says this kind of verbal self-talk actually helps their little brains focus and learn.
But when you grow up, you kinda get trained out of announcing to no one in particular what you’re doing…until it becomes just a tiny voice in your head for the most part. Which, according to the research, is when we leave a pretty useful tool behind.
Alright, fast-forward to us. We’re older adults now. What does the research say about our self-conversations now?
Well you can tell yourself this: We need it now more than ever.
Here’s why…
First — there’s a quick and practical angle worth mentioning about out loud self-talk here. As we age, our brains have to work a little harder to retrieve information and stay on task. Talking out loud builds what scientists call “self-scaffolding.” It’s a verbal structure you’re building to support your thinking.
So narrating what you’re doing, like — ‘I’m putting my car keys on the hook, I’m putting my keys on the hook’ — that’s not insanity. (Contrary to what my wife says.) That’s just your brain picking back up a useful tool from your childhood…so you won’t forget where you put your car keys, or whatever.
Okay. Now this gets more interesting when your self-talk becomes a pretty valuable personal coach.
You’ve seen this in action, I’m sure. Pro athletes chatting themselves up before a big play. Or like a boxer psyching himself up in the corner before a round. There are studies going back decades that prove motivational talk – stuff like “Let’s go” or “You got this” – actually improves performance. In fact, one study in Japan found that positive self-talk improved physical performance scores by 11%. That’s a pretty good pep talk, I’d say.
Now this other thing I found was pretty cool. So, Professor Ethan Kross, at the University of Michigan, found that the way you talk to yourself actually matters. Specifically, whether you use your name, or the pronouns: ‘I’ or ‘you’ in your self-talk.
But, you gotta do it the right way. You can’t say it like: ‘I can do this?’ No, sounds like you’re second-guessing yourself.
But when you say ‘You can do this, Rally’ — y’know, using your name, or those “you” or “I” personal pronouns — you’re going to feel more confident– …like you’re giving good advice to a friend.
Okay, so self-talk has an emotional component that goes with it too.
So I don’t have to tell you, at our age, life isn’t always a party. We lose people, and memories get misfiled. There are heavy times, and scary times – and yeah, that kind of stuff is hard to process.
Turns out, self-talk is one of the most natural and effective ways we can get a handle on those tough emotions.
How do you do it? Real simple…
So, say you’re feeling anxious, frustrated, sad, angry, whatever…just do this: say it out loud. Just name what you’re feeling. ‘I am frustrated right now.’ ‘I am sad today.’ This works, according to the research, because when you vocalize an emotion – actually hearing yourself name it out loud — then suddenly it feels more manageable. You’ve got it out in the open, you’ve told a good friend – and in this case, that friend is you.
Now. Before I get to a few steps to apply this self-talk in your daily life, let’s look at this…
What about talking to yourself in public? Dare you risk looking like a babbling idiot or should you just keep the chatter bottled in?
Well let’s see what the science says…
The researchers say talking to yourself out loud around other people does violate some social norms. Our culture, tends to link talking to yourself out loud with…mental instability. I know, doesn’t seem fair, but that’s just the way it is.
But of course, there’s a 2026 hack for that. One of the researchers said to just pop in a pair of earbuds. They don’t have to be connected to anything. That way, when you want to have a heart-to-heart with yourself out loud, it will look to everyone else like you’re just on a call. Problem solved. Pretty genius there.
Alright. Oh, so there’s one thing you need to be careful about here with self-talk or there could be trouble: Don’t be a Negative Nancy…or Downer Danny.
Easier said than done, I know. But sometimes you just need to tell yourself to shut the heck up if you’ve got nothing nice to say.
Don’t be spouting off things like: “I’m too old for that.’ Or ‘You’ll never figure that out.’ That voice is not your best BFF talking there. You’ll just raise your stress levels, send your confidence spiraling, and it’ll make for a not-so-great day.
So one of the researchers said there’s one thing you can do to flip the script into something much more kind: Try using a nickname for yourself — a term of endearment — you know, like you’d call someone you love… Something like: Honey. Sport. Bud. Sweetheart. Your choice. And start using it on yourself.
‘Hey Buddy, you did a great job today. ‘Hey Sweetheart, it’s okay to rest.’ ‘Hey Sport, let’s get off the couch and take a walk.’ I know, it seems a little out there…but hey, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it I guess.
Okay, let’s wrap this up before things get weirder. Got some action steps for you:
First one: Narrate one task out loud every day. Getting dressed, cooking breakfast, taking your walk. No shame in it. You’re not losing it. You’re trying that scaffolding experiment…see how that feels.
Second action step: Before you have to do something that’s gonna make you nervous — give yourself a pep talk. Use your own name. ‘Come on, (your name here), let’s do this.’ If I was parachuting out of an airplane, I would 100 percent be doing this. Try it and see if it works. The science says it will.
Action step three: Next time you feel some big emotional upheaval coming on, say it out loud. Name it. ‘I’m anxious right now.’ ‘I’m frustrated.’ Just putting it out there to the world might take a little of the edge off. Free therapy there…give it a shot.
And finally, fourth action step: Kick your inner critic to the curb. When that negative voice creeps in — and it will — flip it. Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to your best friend. Like when I’m feeling old I just say to myself: ‘Hey self, 70 is the new 50…and 9 pm is the new midnight.’ Sometimes that works.
Alright, you’ve got a good companion with you twenty-four hours a day. And I don’t mean your dog. You’ve got yourself, telling you things that might be worth listening to.
Alright, Rally Preston here — keep chatting it up with that Silver Beast inside you –- and make it a good conversation. I’ll see you right back here on the Silver Beast Podcast. Take care!